Actually surviving in Surabaya

Well, here' s my first post from Indonesia and I fear it's not going to be a pleasant one. When I set up my blog I did not think that I would actually be surviving in Surabaya but I find myself just trying to survive hour to hour.

Things are not what I thought they would be. I arrived two nights ago. I was picked up from the airport by a nice man who drove me to my new house. On the drive, the poverty was horrible. I kept thinking that we were just going through the slums and it would get better soon. The drive took forever and we went around and around road with thousands of people lining the roads and driving on the roads with hundred of mopeds. I just kept praying that my living environment would be better. When we finally arrived at my house it was down an alley on the right with a gate with barbwire over the top of it. The house was complete trash. I walked in and felt sick to my stomach and could feel the tears start to come. I was greeted by a male roommate and found out there that I would have no female companionship. It was just me a two other men. I quickly retreated to my new room and began bawling. The other roommate is an older man and had no idea what to tell us. He was very quiet but gave a tour of the house. The kitchen is uncookable. The bathroom was filthy (there's also no sink in the bathroom but it's located outside of the bathroom) and my bed has springs about ready to poke out of the fabric all over. There is also no lock on my bedroom door. I tried to go out and walk around that night but there are no sidewalks and the traffic is lining the streets making it hard to even walk on the side of the road. So, I just went back to my bedroom and bawled all night. I finally fell asleep but woke in the middle of the night with a sense of dread and pure disappointment at my situation. I thought that I would be greeted by female roommates that were helpful and be given a sense of community. I also found out that where I work is about 20 to 30 minutes away by taxi and the schooling does not pay for that.

That night, I called home and just sobbed. The disappointment, culture shock, and pure loneliness is proving more than I can handle. My family has been very supportive as well as my friends. They have reassured me that I do not have to stay here and can come home whenever I want. I really don't want to give up, but this is not what I thought I was signing up for. I knew that I would be in a poor country, but everything I read and everything I heard told a different story of living environments for me and what to expect.

Yesterday, I spent the whole day in my bedroom bawling and sleeping. I could not find the energy to leave. I did try, in the morning, to walk down the street but I didn't want to get far from my house as I didn't want to get lost. I just wish that there was a park, a beach, something that I could find a little peace in, but there's not. And to top it off, I have to start a new job today which is stressful all in itself. I don't think I can do this and quite frankly, I don't want to do this.

I took a shower this morning out of pure necessity. I had no towels because they are not provided for us and the water was cold. It was miserable. I also had to wear shoes because the floor is so disgusting that I couldn't dream to step on it bare foot. The maid came this morning when I got out of the shower. All houses have maids because of the poverty. However, their standard of clean is so low that they don't know how to properly clean. I couldn't imagine what she did all day after I saw how dirty the kitchen was but then was told by one of the roommates that she hand washes all our clothes. And sure enough, first thing she did was ask for my clothes. I was very friendly to her and am trying to be upbeat but the minute I retreat to my room I can't help but bawl. i don't think I've cried this much since Jesse and I broke up and boy does that seem like small potato's compared to what I'm going through now.

I want to thank everyone for their continued support and reassurance that I am not a failure if I decide that this is not for me. To everyone from my parents that have been a solid rock even though I know both of them are struggling and feeling helpless with their child so far away and not doing well, to my sisters who have been sending emails of reassurance, taking time out of their day to skype with me, and trying to make me laugh, my friends who have been making it a priority to get in touch with me, pray for me, and also reassure me on my ability to come home. Even little things like Erin being willing to send me a towel, to Kelley giving me a sense of home. I also want to thank the support of the church bodies back home that are supporting me so much and offering continued prayer covering. The support that I have received from people I haven't talked to in years makes me humble and ask why I've been blessed with such a wonderful group of people in my life.

I really don't want to give up and am determined to try to fight though this. I realize that a lot of what I am feeling is pure culture shock but without the sense of community, commradery, and foundation I thought I would have, I will just not be able to make it. Dessa has offered me a nanny job as her nanny will be leaving in June. The idea of coming home and living with roommates in Jackson Hole and actually making money spending time with my niece gives me a feeling of comfort and peace beyond anything. However, she can not wait for months for me to decide and I feel the strain of having to make a decision shortly. The peace is quickly erased by disappointment and loneliness when I look out my window or exit my room to men that I don't know and a world that is completely foreign. I wish I had pictures to post but there is nothing here that I have seen that would be worthy of a picture. Nothing to represent a different culture, and style of living, or a beautiful landscape.

So, I'll end by saying thank you to all of those that have vested time in my welfare and supported me through this. Thank you.

From here to there

Well, I have made it to Singapore. It only took 21 hours in a plane and now I'm 13 hours ahead of MT time. The flight was soooo long. I never thought it would end. I watched a lot of movies and did a whole lot of nothing. I started to feel really lonely once we were over the ocean. It all the sudden hit me that I am leaving America. Everyone thinks it's so awesome and it is, but there was a huge sense of loss that I'm still dealing with. I literally have no one I know within thousands of miles. May not sound like a big deal until you're living it. I'm excited for the adventure but didn't know I would feel this lonely right away. I thought it would sink in within the next few months but right away, I feel it. Everyone thinks that it would be scary but it's not. Just lonely. However, I am so thankful for internet. I have gotten to skype with my family and that has been great. So, here's so of the interesting experiences so far:

I met some super friendly guy on the flight to Hong Kong. He was really nice and gave me his business card. He actually lives in Canada but is from Hong Kong. He has a house in both places so he goes back and forth a bunch with his kids and daughter. He was super silly and was talking about everything under the sun. He hugged me at the Hong Kong airport and told me good luck. When I got to Hong Kong it was very foggy. I couldn't really see much landing until the very end. I did see some cool looking little area that was SOOO China. That was neat. It had the traditional chinese shaped houses. Anyhow, when I was in the airport I was super tired so I layed down at my gate. I realized very quickly that EVERYONE kept staring at me. A group of about 50 walked by me and everyon of them turned around and stared. I'm assuming that they probably thought it was strange that I was on the floor but once they saw that I was American (or at last white) they stopped looking, like "Oh it's one of those Americans." I still just layed there. I was tired. Another thing that was strange there was that people are not afraid to pop your proximity bubble. I mean they get so close that I constantly thought someone was getting into my backpack because I could feel them touching it. It's not like there wasn't enough room but they just push up against you. This is probably because of the high density in Hong Kong. They are used to being super close and people getting upset if you're not feeling in the little extra space between people. But, I saw quite a few Americans getting really mad at them on the plane. They rush right by you to get to their seat instead of waiting for you to put your stuff away and get out of the isle first. I guess they just know where they want to go and don't care who they know down on the way to get there.

I finally got to Singapore late last night. It was super easy to get from A to B. I got through Immigration with no problem and was able to take a taxi to the hotel. In the taxi, the guy was telling me that it's illegal to chew gum in Singapore. I asked him why and he told me that it was because kids put it on the subways. He said that sometimes his family goes to Malaysia to get gum. I said, "Well I have a pack of gum. I guess I better not chew it." and he said, "ohhh. I like gum!" I suppose I could have paid him in gum but who wants to sit in an Asian prison. So i got the hotel and the first thing I noticed was I couldn't figure out how to turn the lights on. And it was dark so I couldn't see. I finally figured out that I had to put my key card in this slot to activate anything and once you pull it out, everything goes off. Then I went to the bathroom and realized that you shower from a spikit that you just turn on. Nothing would be strang about this besides it's inches away from the toiled and they water just runs down a drain that's under the sink. So I took a shower this morning and watched everything get soaked. it's kinda nice though. No shower curtain to worry about and I suppose everything gets nice and clean that way. If you wanted, you could sit on the toilet while showering. the toilet paper is in a special plastic container so it doesn't get wet. Everything is so green and tropical here. The weather and humidity is perfect. My skin is just loving it and my hair is in the tightest little curls I've seen in a long time.

Hopefully tonight I make it to little India where there is a huge mosque that you can visit. And then tomorrow it's on to Indonesia. I will be glad to finally get to my house and start developing a sense of home there.

And I'm off... Like a herd of turtles

Well, I've started my travels to Indonesia. This morning I left Newcastle, but more than that I left my family. Especially those three small children that I have gotten to spend so much time with. It was very hard to let go of Abby's hand as she layed there bawling. When I walked out the door I heard her fall into a full howl of tears. It was really hard to not run back in and comfort her. Gideon was bawling as well. My family surrounded me and sent me off in prayer. During those prayers Gideon fell apart and just held me saying "I don't want you to go!" I tried to encourage them and remind them that I would be back someday, but what really comforted them was telling them that I would be sending lots of cool presents. This worked pretty well. Afton has been pulling away from me for the last few days. She is very very close to me and this is just her way of dealing with things. My sister told me that she started bawling this morning about something stupid and Grace asked her what was wrong and she said, "Well maybe I'm crying cause auntie is leaving." They'll be fine though. I'm sure it will be tougher on me than them in the long run.

So, now I'm in denver waiting for my flight. Then it's off to Chicago, then Hong Kong, then Singapore, then Surabaya, and finally to my new home.

Really? I mean... Seriously???

So, I'm laying here at my parents house trying to go to bed and I can't quit thinking about what I will need to be doing in two days time. Here's what I would like to do... Get on an airplane. Arrive in Indonesia. Be greeted and taken to my new home where I can prepare for the job I will do. But, this is what I WILL be doing:

I have to stop in Singapore for two nights which wouldn't be a bad thing but... when I get there (which is 11:45pm in a completeing different time zone, so I'll be wide awake when I should be ready to sleep) I will have to get all my luggage since I don't have a connecting flight, exchange money from US Dollars to Singapore Dollars in the dead of night so I have money to pay the man I will be meeting the next day for my work visa. I will then have to find a train that will take me to downtown Singapore and to the hotel that I will be staying at. Try to get some sleep and then call some guy and pray to our good lord in heaven that he answers the phone because he is my life line to a work visa. Then, I'll have to meet the guy at the biggest shopping belt in Eastern Asia, Orchard Road. I'll hand him my passport and money so he can get me a work visa. I'll have to find him again the next day before I go back to the airport so I can get my passport back and my work visa. Then, I have to catch a flight from Singapore down to Surabaya. Pray that someone is at that airport to pick me up and finally be taken to my new home where I will have one day before I start working.

So, when I should be spending quality time with my family and preparing for what will be a great adventure (once I get there) I'm just a little overwhelmed and thinking... "man, if I could only click my heals together!"

6 Days To Go

Six days left in America and I feel less and less prepared as the days go by. Packing for storage vs. packing for Asia vs. packing for this next week has been interesting. I have no idea what to take, what to leave, what to store, or what to toss. And to top it off... the errands that need to be ran and things I need to take care of before leaving seems like an endless list. Although, it's nice having so much to do in order to take my mind off of those that I will be leaving and how sad it will be to depart from my family.

At moments, I'm totally excited and then other times I feel like I just want to crawl in my bed and lay back in the Black Hills for another summer.

Things to do tonight: clean up my mother's basement that is TRASHED with all the stuff I have moved into her house, book a hotel in Singapore, and figure out who in the world is going to meet me when I get to Indonesia.