And the Thunder Rolls and the Lightening Strikes

Yesterday was a beautiful day and Cory and I took that opportunity to go into the Big Horn Mountains. It was great laying there while he fished and it was so nice and warm. Obviously the Big Horn Mountains don't feel like home yet but I wonder if they ever will. I am so partial to the Black Hills and this may wear off in time but I think part of why I loved them so much is because I view them as something like a fort in my backyard. They're small enough to drive through in just a couple short hours and I've been in almost every part of them over and over again. The Big Horns are just that... BIG. Not as big as the Rockies or anything but big enough to have passes that close in the winter and interchanging lanes. I don't think they'll ever feel like a big fort full of fun trails that all connect and merge in my mind. But, they offer much more than the hills such as snowmobiling like crazy, fishing of all kinds, backpacking in for days at a time, and awesome lodges all over. It was great getting out and spending some time in them. The last time I remember camping in them was when I was probably 12 years old with a friend's family. Loved them then and I'm sure I will begin to develop a relationship with them again :)

After returning home from the mountains, we raced to a local bar that would have the WYO game on television since I couldn't find it on my tv. We arrived a half hour late, but I immediately sat down and watched while Cory found all his Sheridan friends to hang with. The game's excitement didn't last long as we couldn't seem to close any plays and get the game done. We did show up though which is more than CU can say against CALI! Now that was just embarrassing... But, at the end of the game, an older gentleman approached Cory's friends and was talking about something. I wasn't sure what he was talking about but heard him make a remark while pointing in my direction and I immediately thought he was taking a cheap shot about my looks and some of my flaws. After asking others if he said what i thought he said, and being unclear on their responses, I became extremely defensive and started yelling at him asking if that's what it took for him to feel like a man and said other things that weren't so nice before Cory stepped in and told me that was enough and to chill out. I was so upset that I was actually shaking a little and totally unable to concentrate on the end of the game. After being given a while to calm down, Cory approached me and let me know that the guy may not have said what I thought he said and, in fact, he wasn't even referring to me at all. I felt really bad hearing that. Usually when I lash out, which is not often at all, it's very calculated and certainly I have been wronged in someway. Let me just say, I know that even if I have been wronged by someone, it DOES NOT give me the right to lash out at them in return. I know that. However, those that know me know that although I have a high strung personality, I don't get mad like this often. And if I do approach someone, it's usually thought out. Either way, I'm just saying that when I realized this may have been a complete misunderstanding, like a big girl, I put on my big girl pants and immediately found the man that I had yelled at and told him that if it was a misunderstanding and if he hadn't said what I thought he said, I was wrong and I apologized. He was very receptive and told me that he thought it was a misunderstanding on both of our parts and he even went on to tell me he thought we were going to be good friends. We actually ended up talking for quite a while. I am sure I will never see him again, but I was left questioning why I flew off the handle so quickly; and for the first time, was completely wrong in a situation like this making it even that much more wrong. I have no good answers,

but as I was driving to Worland today (I'll be here in a hotel room for 6 nights) I racked my brain trying to remember the last time I got that mad and finally remembered that it was in a very similar situation (this time me actually having the right info) in downtown Denver with, once again, another man. He had handed me an empty bottle being a jerk. I thought he had bought me a drink and was handing it to me but upon accepting it from him, I realized it was an empty bottle. He just walked by me, didn't say anything, but put out his bottle for me to grab. I thought he was being a gentleman and had bought me a drink; however, it was an empty bottle that I received and he just walked away thinking he could get away with it. I remember thinking, "You've messed with the wrong B**** buddy!" Instead of just setting it down and mumbling under my breath about how rude that was, I turned him around, spouted off a few things and went to hand him the bottle back. When he would not reach out to grab it and actually threw his hands back like, "I aint touching it", I promptly dropped it in front of him and it shattered all over the floor. When going outside to cool off, the man happened to be standing out there as well. I told him to keep his distance and security approached me asking if there was a problem. After talking to them, the man was not allowed to enter the facility again that night. But, that was the last time I can remember being that upset.

Both situations including an older gentleman. If I saw a therapist, that might be something to examine... hmmm... Either way, I put my Cory in a very awkward situation and I think partly why I was so upset last night is because I thought this man had disrespected me in the presence of all his friends. And when I ended up being wrong, he was left standing there, in the middle of it. I mean, lets not kid anybody, I have a loud personality and can be quite a drama queen, but most things I do are pretty well thought out and scrutinized by myself before embarking upon. But situations like this surprise myself. Especially when I have taught anger management for years. I can't seem to identify my trigger, but I do see the pattern in my anger. Three situations I can in the last couple years. Two of which I have shared... the third, also involving a man. I don't know what to think about that but I think part of it is a product of my career path. I am called so many names on a daily basis and have to stand there shaking my head and saying "I'm sorry you feel that way." So when I think someone has disrespected me on my time, not at work, it's almost like a button is pushed saying, "you can actually lash out back!" But that doesn't make it okay either. The thunder rolled for a while last night and the lightening crashed, but I made amends and can only try to act on facts and not feelings next time around.

And oh... the Cowboys lost :( BUMMER!