Everything Except Family for Easter

Anyone who knows me knows that I am very big into tradition. I love family traditions and Easter is no exception. For years, my mother has took me to Rapid City to buy me a pretty new Easter dress to wear to church. This year, I was unable to go home and Easter just hasn't felt the same all day. My mom always complains and drags her feet about getting me a dress and also making me an Easter basket. Now, she might feel bad about this, but her complaining is really part of the tradition. I missed it this year. No Easter basket and no trip to Rapid find a pretty dress to wear to church.

However, I had a dress that I bought with her and Grace when we went shopping for Costa Rica in Billings. I took it but never wore it so took this oppertunity to wear it to church today. I sat in church with my new dress on and just wished my mommy was there so I could lean forward and she could rub my back. Every time I go to church it's "tradition" that I lean forward and my mom rubs my back. Yes, she grumbles about doing it, but there's almost something comforting in the grumble and then her showing me the love she has for me by rubbing my back as I hear the pastor in the background. My mom to my left; rubbing my back and my strong stoic dad to my right waiting for him to call his family up to take communion... in my pretty dress. Well, not this year. This year, I went to church in my pretty dress and wore a necklace my mom bought me just because I'm that big of a sap when it comes to tradition and had to have something to make me feel like I was with family. So, the picture below is for you mom. Me in my pretty Easter dress. Missed you today.

A life worth living

My sister got me a book for my birthday once that I thought was completely amazing. It is called a life worth living and it's a book designed for you to fill in answers to questions about your past, present, and future. The intent is that it is passed on to those that are left behind after leaving this world. As I scrolled through the book today, there are so many thought provoking questions that I really shy away from answering. I'm not sure if it's that I don't like the answer or I don't know what the answer is, or I'm too scared to be honest enough to answer. They are questions like, what do you remember most about your childhood? Who is the most influencial person in your life? What is your biggest regret? I scrolled through them thinking I might find a question to blog about since my life has been quite stagnent and nothing but work work work since I got home from Costa Rica but, I found myself too aprehensive to answer any of the questions; maybe to tired or just not ready to be honest with myself. The book sits open on my coffee table with the page asking: What has been the happiest time in your life and what has been the saddest time in your life. Talk about a loaded question! The unfortunate part is that the happiest times I can think of in my life are all based on other people; distortions of what I thought was making me happy. But, not truly happy within myself. Always dependant on someone else to make me happy. Is that a life worth living? I think not. I could go in to details but I'd be breaking a lot of people's privacy and airing dirty laundry that no one really wants to hear about. However, those that know me well enough will know what I'm talking about. The energy I devoted to get the desire to be happy met. The idea I would do anything for it. It's quite pathetic to look back at it now but as I continue to write, the feelings flood back as to the rush I had when I finally did get the happiness that I was so longing for. Even if it was superficial.

As far as sad memeories. Those are always easy to think of. There's no doubt and I'm sure no one can question that the saddest and lowest point in my life I reached was my senior year of high school. I have had times since then that I struggle with anxiety to the point of no return, but as far as saddest, thre's no doubt that it began that one fateful day. A day so long ago that has since, shaped so much ofmy life; my self respect, my self worth, and the expectations I had of not only myself but others as well. Yes, I have learned from it but it was an 8 year lesson that I am so glad I have been able to finally see as just that; a lesson.

Today I went to Story and had a great dinner with great people. As we were driving up there we stopped at a quiet little creek. Finally the snow has melted and the water is running. I love traveling the world. I love seeing new cultures and doing fun stuff, but my heart will always be by those mountain creeks; trying to balance on the rocks, jumping from one to the next, creating a world of innocence and nieveness that, as adults, we don't have the luxary of feeling very often. The interesting part is, the creek never stops running. Just like life. Through the bad, the good, and the indifferent, the water continues to flow. Sometimes it's warmer than others. Sometimes the current is stronger and sometimes it's just nice and calm, but the one thing that stays the same is it always keeps moving. Just like life.

Above is a picture of the creek that made me feel, for one brief second, like everything was ok.

Back to Reality

Well, I finally got back and still fill like I haven't had any time to relax. Maybe that's because I haven't. Man, you really pay for missing that much work. I had close to 300 emails and didn't get to checking voice mails until today. So much to do and too tired to do it. Still kinda feels like I really didn't go to Costa Rica; besides the fact that I have an awesome tan! I walked in to work and everyone was like, "Holy COW! You're so dark." And... I only spent one day in the sun. I remember going to Mexico and spending two or three days in the sun. I literally looked so so dark. Hey, at least I got tan lines. However, now I'm back to the blowing wind, snow coming tomorrow, and all the problems that reality brings with them. I made it about 4 days without caring what was going on in America and then I finally broke down and had to check work emails and start stressing again. It was so nice to be out of the country; with my wonderful mother and sister. Best friends. I drove them nuts a little at times. I definitely have a type A personality and my first few days I was so excited that I was a little crazy :) But, they put up with me and we had a great time. We did a lot! Zip lines, sunset cruise, went through national parks etc. Everyone was so nice. Except for one guy. And yes, being an anger management specialist, I did not use any of the skills I teach. He copped off with some smart remark to my sister that just didn't sit too well with me. I turned around and started screaming back (with my mom in the background yelling at me to stop). I just couldn't let up and kept yelling at him (no one talks to my sister disrespectfully). He was trying to say she was comparing Costa Rica to America because Grace said they needed a better sign for their National Park. I thought he was out of line and wanted to let him know (not to mention I had other things on my mind that were upsetting me and this just was the straw that broke the back). So, I started to walk towards him and wanted to drop the backpack off my back and get right in his face. But, with my mother screaming at me in the background, I backed off and kept walking; but shook with adrenaline for a while.

Things there were not cheap! I spent A LOT of money, but who cares... It's only money. We have some great moments of spontaneous laughing at stupid stuff. Those were the best parts; family just laughing at stupid things we'd say or do. I felt safe the whole time I was there. I didn't feel scared or uneasy at all. Everyone was so nice. Especially the guys! WOW! Talk about being aggressive. Every tour we went on, the tour guides were pretty "upfront" with me; even asking my mother if they could take me out for the evening, asking her if they were winning points with her because they would be her son-in-law! I THINK NOT! :) But, they were all gentlemen when it came to it. Every guide was great besides the aggressive flirting and very personal questions that made me feel a little uncomfortable at times. It takes a lot to make me feel safe with a guy; to answer personal questions or open up, but being in a culture like that, they're so touchy feely and I had to get used to it; and quick! However, they were barking up the wrong tree if they thought I was gonna feel safe with them (besides making sure my zip line gear was good to go). My favorite was rappelling. I've done it many times before, but not in the jungle with it drenching rain. I was a rock star if I must say so myself! They didn't have to teach me anything. Just handed me the rope and away I went.


Can't wait for the next trip! I'm thinking Panama :)

So, back to Sheridan. Had a great time last night and was great to see all my friends again!

Cookin' Crabs

So, the last couple days have been spent at the water. Having a blast but now suffering for it. Yesterday we took a "Sunset sail" and saw no sunset, no dolphins or anything else. However, we did get to go snorkeling and swim in the wonderful water. I had a great time and was a little crazy on the boat. I mean, bob marley, caribbean Costa Rica and the waves splashing around you? Yes, I enjoyed myself. I came back to the hotel and was OUT for like 2 hours before waking up and realizing it was only like 8pm so, I just went right back to sleep. Slept through the night. It was a long day and forget how much being in the sun all day wears you out. I'm so sore from body boarding too. My sister and I also played some beach volleyball with some people we met on the beach. And, today, I buried her in the sand which was more of a work out than I thought it would be.

So, today we went to the ocean all morning before our mangrove tour. It was a beautiful tour. Very low key and relaxing. We are all SOOOO SOOO burnt though. It's amazing how much faster you get sun here being in this type of climate than Wyoming. It reminds me of last year in Mexico. I came back looking like a different person and I don't think this time will be any different. I can't believe the week is almost over. I have tried so hard to not worry about life back home but it creeps into my mind. I even tried checking my work email but, wasn't able to get on. Maybe I'll try again later, but just want to forget about "life" for a couple more days. So, I monkey crawled onto me today at our tour. We were standing there waiting for the boat and he just crawled up my arm. Super cute. We didn't see a ton, but it was a nice way to enjoy the evening. Now off to bed so we can be well rested for our canopy tour! YAHOOO

Beaches and Boogie Boarding

Yesterday we just chilled. well my family chilled while I was crazy in the water. First, we hit up the towns and all the little markets. My mom and sister kept telling me not to try to bargain with them, but I did and I won! was able to get the prices down. Afterwards, we went to the beach and had a BLAST. I meant some really cool people and even got someone to "rent" me a boogie board for free. So, me and this girl Diane from Virginia went and tried it out. I caught two huge waves and made it all the way in. And.... as dark as I am, I got a SUNBURN. Was so nice to chill at the beach. People came up to us trying to see lots of stuff, and we were suckers for most of it. Let me tell you, this place is much more expensive than Mexico. I don't care though. It's all about havin' a good time.

Met the owner of our hotel today too. It's like a jungle hotel. Ever watched Swiss Family Robinson? Well, that's what it reminds me of. There's all these trails taking you to different hotel room. It's so nice and quiet in there. So, last night we get home from the beach and decide to get all dressed up and go eat at a restraunt with an ocean view. On our way out of the hotel, down on one of the paths, I see monkeys! So, I go walking to and yelling at my family that there's monkeys (with little babies on their backs :) And as, I'm walking down there, staring up into the trees above.... I FELL! Didn't even faze me though, I was so impressed with the monkeys. Holy buckets, those things can JUMP from tree to tree. So... After a great dinner, meeting lots of crazy people, and BOOGIE BOARDING, we retired for the night. I don't even remember falling asleep. SO TIRED.

Wish I could post pics. But, internet is way too SLOOOWWWWW.

Costa Rica Craziness

so, we have made it. After a long trip. We have finally arrived at one of the cutuest little hotels around. It's called the Blue Monkey and it's in such a cozy little spot. Tiki huts; the works. It was a long day of traveling but I was so wore out from last week that I spent every second fast asleep. My mom and sister were wide awake for everything but I slept in Denver, slept on the plane, Slept in North Carolina, Slept on the plane again so.... needless to say, I was well rested by the time we entered Central America. I tried to help my family as much as I could. I knew they were both pretty nervous and I was taking them out of their confort zone, but I tend to be so independant that I'd forget the little things (or not worry about the little things) like being downtown San Jose with homeless people everywhere and guys trying to beat each other to the food thrown out in the trash on the side of the street that I just wasn't worried and probably should be more sensative to the fact that they've never been to a third world country. Not that I've been a ton but nonetheless, it was nice to get out of San Jose and into the jungle. The drive up was awesome! We are definately in the tropics.

And today, off to check out the beach, local markets, and set up tours. So nice to be away right now. And even better to be with family who's experience something like this for the 1st time!