A life worth living

My sister got me a book for my birthday once that I thought was completely amazing. It is called a life worth living and it's a book designed for you to fill in answers to questions about your past, present, and future. The intent is that it is passed on to those that are left behind after leaving this world. As I scrolled through the book today, there are so many thought provoking questions that I really shy away from answering. I'm not sure if it's that I don't like the answer or I don't know what the answer is, or I'm too scared to be honest enough to answer. They are questions like, what do you remember most about your childhood? Who is the most influencial person in your life? What is your biggest regret? I scrolled through them thinking I might find a question to blog about since my life has been quite stagnent and nothing but work work work since I got home from Costa Rica but, I found myself too aprehensive to answer any of the questions; maybe to tired or just not ready to be honest with myself. The book sits open on my coffee table with the page asking: What has been the happiest time in your life and what has been the saddest time in your life. Talk about a loaded question! The unfortunate part is that the happiest times I can think of in my life are all based on other people; distortions of what I thought was making me happy. But, not truly happy within myself. Always dependant on someone else to make me happy. Is that a life worth living? I think not. I could go in to details but I'd be breaking a lot of people's privacy and airing dirty laundry that no one really wants to hear about. However, those that know me well enough will know what I'm talking about. The energy I devoted to get the desire to be happy met. The idea I would do anything for it. It's quite pathetic to look back at it now but as I continue to write, the feelings flood back as to the rush I had when I finally did get the happiness that I was so longing for. Even if it was superficial.

As far as sad memeories. Those are always easy to think of. There's no doubt and I'm sure no one can question that the saddest and lowest point in my life I reached was my senior year of high school. I have had times since then that I struggle with anxiety to the point of no return, but as far as saddest, thre's no doubt that it began that one fateful day. A day so long ago that has since, shaped so much ofmy life; my self respect, my self worth, and the expectations I had of not only myself but others as well. Yes, I have learned from it but it was an 8 year lesson that I am so glad I have been able to finally see as just that; a lesson.

Today I went to Story and had a great dinner with great people. As we were driving up there we stopped at a quiet little creek. Finally the snow has melted and the water is running. I love traveling the world. I love seeing new cultures and doing fun stuff, but my heart will always be by those mountain creeks; trying to balance on the rocks, jumping from one to the next, creating a world of innocence and nieveness that, as adults, we don't have the luxary of feeling very often. The interesting part is, the creek never stops running. Just like life. Through the bad, the good, and the indifferent, the water continues to flow. Sometimes it's warmer than others. Sometimes the current is stronger and sometimes it's just nice and calm, but the one thing that stays the same is it always keeps moving. Just like life.

Above is a picture of the creek that made me feel, for one brief second, like everything was ok.