Everything Except Family for Easter

Anyone who knows me knows that I am very big into tradition. I love family traditions and Easter is no exception. For years, my mother has took me to Rapid City to buy me a pretty new Easter dress to wear to church. This year, I was unable to go home and Easter just hasn't felt the same all day. My mom always complains and drags her feet about getting me a dress and also making me an Easter basket. Now, she might feel bad about this, but her complaining is really part of the tradition. I missed it this year. No Easter basket and no trip to Rapid find a pretty dress to wear to church.

However, I had a dress that I bought with her and Grace when we went shopping for Costa Rica in Billings. I took it but never wore it so took this oppertunity to wear it to church today. I sat in church with my new dress on and just wished my mommy was there so I could lean forward and she could rub my back. Every time I go to church it's "tradition" that I lean forward and my mom rubs my back. Yes, she grumbles about doing it, but there's almost something comforting in the grumble and then her showing me the love she has for me by rubbing my back as I hear the pastor in the background. My mom to my left; rubbing my back and my strong stoic dad to my right waiting for him to call his family up to take communion... in my pretty dress. Well, not this year. This year, I went to church in my pretty dress and wore a necklace my mom bought me just because I'm that big of a sap when it comes to tradition and had to have something to make me feel like I was with family. So, the picture below is for you mom. Me in my pretty Easter dress. Missed you today.

A life worth living

My sister got me a book for my birthday once that I thought was completely amazing. It is called a life worth living and it's a book designed for you to fill in answers to questions about your past, present, and future. The intent is that it is passed on to those that are left behind after leaving this world. As I scrolled through the book today, there are so many thought provoking questions that I really shy away from answering. I'm not sure if it's that I don't like the answer or I don't know what the answer is, or I'm too scared to be honest enough to answer. They are questions like, what do you remember most about your childhood? Who is the most influencial person in your life? What is your biggest regret? I scrolled through them thinking I might find a question to blog about since my life has been quite stagnent and nothing but work work work since I got home from Costa Rica but, I found myself too aprehensive to answer any of the questions; maybe to tired or just not ready to be honest with myself. The book sits open on my coffee table with the page asking: What has been the happiest time in your life and what has been the saddest time in your life. Talk about a loaded question! The unfortunate part is that the happiest times I can think of in my life are all based on other people; distortions of what I thought was making me happy. But, not truly happy within myself. Always dependant on someone else to make me happy. Is that a life worth living? I think not. I could go in to details but I'd be breaking a lot of people's privacy and airing dirty laundry that no one really wants to hear about. However, those that know me well enough will know what I'm talking about. The energy I devoted to get the desire to be happy met. The idea I would do anything for it. It's quite pathetic to look back at it now but as I continue to write, the feelings flood back as to the rush I had when I finally did get the happiness that I was so longing for. Even if it was superficial.

As far as sad memeories. Those are always easy to think of. There's no doubt and I'm sure no one can question that the saddest and lowest point in my life I reached was my senior year of high school. I have had times since then that I struggle with anxiety to the point of no return, but as far as saddest, thre's no doubt that it began that one fateful day. A day so long ago that has since, shaped so much ofmy life; my self respect, my self worth, and the expectations I had of not only myself but others as well. Yes, I have learned from it but it was an 8 year lesson that I am so glad I have been able to finally see as just that; a lesson.

Today I went to Story and had a great dinner with great people. As we were driving up there we stopped at a quiet little creek. Finally the snow has melted and the water is running. I love traveling the world. I love seeing new cultures and doing fun stuff, but my heart will always be by those mountain creeks; trying to balance on the rocks, jumping from one to the next, creating a world of innocence and nieveness that, as adults, we don't have the luxary of feeling very often. The interesting part is, the creek never stops running. Just like life. Through the bad, the good, and the indifferent, the water continues to flow. Sometimes it's warmer than others. Sometimes the current is stronger and sometimes it's just nice and calm, but the one thing that stays the same is it always keeps moving. Just like life.

Above is a picture of the creek that made me feel, for one brief second, like everything was ok.

Back to Reality

Well, I finally got back and still fill like I haven't had any time to relax. Maybe that's because I haven't. Man, you really pay for missing that much work. I had close to 300 emails and didn't get to checking voice mails until today. So much to do and too tired to do it. Still kinda feels like I really didn't go to Costa Rica; besides the fact that I have an awesome tan! I walked in to work and everyone was like, "Holy COW! You're so dark." And... I only spent one day in the sun. I remember going to Mexico and spending two or three days in the sun. I literally looked so so dark. Hey, at least I got tan lines. However, now I'm back to the blowing wind, snow coming tomorrow, and all the problems that reality brings with them. I made it about 4 days without caring what was going on in America and then I finally broke down and had to check work emails and start stressing again. It was so nice to be out of the country; with my wonderful mother and sister. Best friends. I drove them nuts a little at times. I definitely have a type A personality and my first few days I was so excited that I was a little crazy :) But, they put up with me and we had a great time. We did a lot! Zip lines, sunset cruise, went through national parks etc. Everyone was so nice. Except for one guy. And yes, being an anger management specialist, I did not use any of the skills I teach. He copped off with some smart remark to my sister that just didn't sit too well with me. I turned around and started screaming back (with my mom in the background yelling at me to stop). I just couldn't let up and kept yelling at him (no one talks to my sister disrespectfully). He was trying to say she was comparing Costa Rica to America because Grace said they needed a better sign for their National Park. I thought he was out of line and wanted to let him know (not to mention I had other things on my mind that were upsetting me and this just was the straw that broke the back). So, I started to walk towards him and wanted to drop the backpack off my back and get right in his face. But, with my mother screaming at me in the background, I backed off and kept walking; but shook with adrenaline for a while.

Things there were not cheap! I spent A LOT of money, but who cares... It's only money. We have some great moments of spontaneous laughing at stupid stuff. Those were the best parts; family just laughing at stupid things we'd say or do. I felt safe the whole time I was there. I didn't feel scared or uneasy at all. Everyone was so nice. Especially the guys! WOW! Talk about being aggressive. Every tour we went on, the tour guides were pretty "upfront" with me; even asking my mother if they could take me out for the evening, asking her if they were winning points with her because they would be her son-in-law! I THINK NOT! :) But, they were all gentlemen when it came to it. Every guide was great besides the aggressive flirting and very personal questions that made me feel a little uncomfortable at times. It takes a lot to make me feel safe with a guy; to answer personal questions or open up, but being in a culture like that, they're so touchy feely and I had to get used to it; and quick! However, they were barking up the wrong tree if they thought I was gonna feel safe with them (besides making sure my zip line gear was good to go). My favorite was rappelling. I've done it many times before, but not in the jungle with it drenching rain. I was a rock star if I must say so myself! They didn't have to teach me anything. Just handed me the rope and away I went.


Can't wait for the next trip! I'm thinking Panama :)

So, back to Sheridan. Had a great time last night and was great to see all my friends again!

Cookin' Crabs

So, the last couple days have been spent at the water. Having a blast but now suffering for it. Yesterday we took a "Sunset sail" and saw no sunset, no dolphins or anything else. However, we did get to go snorkeling and swim in the wonderful water. I had a great time and was a little crazy on the boat. I mean, bob marley, caribbean Costa Rica and the waves splashing around you? Yes, I enjoyed myself. I came back to the hotel and was OUT for like 2 hours before waking up and realizing it was only like 8pm so, I just went right back to sleep. Slept through the night. It was a long day and forget how much being in the sun all day wears you out. I'm so sore from body boarding too. My sister and I also played some beach volleyball with some people we met on the beach. And, today, I buried her in the sand which was more of a work out than I thought it would be.

So, today we went to the ocean all morning before our mangrove tour. It was a beautiful tour. Very low key and relaxing. We are all SOOOO SOOO burnt though. It's amazing how much faster you get sun here being in this type of climate than Wyoming. It reminds me of last year in Mexico. I came back looking like a different person and I don't think this time will be any different. I can't believe the week is almost over. I have tried so hard to not worry about life back home but it creeps into my mind. I even tried checking my work email but, wasn't able to get on. Maybe I'll try again later, but just want to forget about "life" for a couple more days. So, I monkey crawled onto me today at our tour. We were standing there waiting for the boat and he just crawled up my arm. Super cute. We didn't see a ton, but it was a nice way to enjoy the evening. Now off to bed so we can be well rested for our canopy tour! YAHOOO

Beaches and Boogie Boarding

Yesterday we just chilled. well my family chilled while I was crazy in the water. First, we hit up the towns and all the little markets. My mom and sister kept telling me not to try to bargain with them, but I did and I won! was able to get the prices down. Afterwards, we went to the beach and had a BLAST. I meant some really cool people and even got someone to "rent" me a boogie board for free. So, me and this girl Diane from Virginia went and tried it out. I caught two huge waves and made it all the way in. And.... as dark as I am, I got a SUNBURN. Was so nice to chill at the beach. People came up to us trying to see lots of stuff, and we were suckers for most of it. Let me tell you, this place is much more expensive than Mexico. I don't care though. It's all about havin' a good time.

Met the owner of our hotel today too. It's like a jungle hotel. Ever watched Swiss Family Robinson? Well, that's what it reminds me of. There's all these trails taking you to different hotel room. It's so nice and quiet in there. So, last night we get home from the beach and decide to get all dressed up and go eat at a restraunt with an ocean view. On our way out of the hotel, down on one of the paths, I see monkeys! So, I go walking to and yelling at my family that there's monkeys (with little babies on their backs :) And as, I'm walking down there, staring up into the trees above.... I FELL! Didn't even faze me though, I was so impressed with the monkeys. Holy buckets, those things can JUMP from tree to tree. So... After a great dinner, meeting lots of crazy people, and BOOGIE BOARDING, we retired for the night. I don't even remember falling asleep. SO TIRED.

Wish I could post pics. But, internet is way too SLOOOWWWWW.

Costa Rica Craziness

so, we have made it. After a long trip. We have finally arrived at one of the cutuest little hotels around. It's called the Blue Monkey and it's in such a cozy little spot. Tiki huts; the works. It was a long day of traveling but I was so wore out from last week that I spent every second fast asleep. My mom and sister were wide awake for everything but I slept in Denver, slept on the plane, Slept in North Carolina, Slept on the plane again so.... needless to say, I was well rested by the time we entered Central America. I tried to help my family as much as I could. I knew they were both pretty nervous and I was taking them out of their confort zone, but I tend to be so independant that I'd forget the little things (or not worry about the little things) like being downtown San Jose with homeless people everywhere and guys trying to beat each other to the food thrown out in the trash on the side of the street that I just wasn't worried and probably should be more sensative to the fact that they've never been to a third world country. Not that I've been a ton but nonetheless, it was nice to get out of San Jose and into the jungle. The drive up was awesome! We are definately in the tropics.

And today, off to check out the beach, local markets, and set up tours. So nice to be away right now. And even better to be with family who's experience something like this for the 1st time!

Nothing but Nieces and Nephews

Silly Girls playing with Auntie outside.

Future Cowgirl.

This weekend, I had the privilege of seeing my babies (except for the two big ones). I came home exhausted; pulled in every which direction, but I love every minute of it. If only I had more hands and arms to carry them in. Fighting over sitting next to me, holding them, and wanting me to stay the night with them. I really had to divide my time. Afton has been so close to me for years. All of my nieces and nephews have at one point in their life (I've been the cat's meow for them) and typically they grow out of it once they start to get a little more independent and don't want to be toted around on a hip anymore but Afton is still clinging to me. (Maybe cause she's still small enough to tote around on my hip). Either way, I could tell she was getting a little jealous and wanting to claim territory with me since Sophia was around and Sophie's finally to the age where she runs into Auntie's arms the minute she sees me and wants Auntie to do everything with her. So, I made it a point to take Afton on a special date with just me and her. In the summers I try to take all Grace's kids separately for a full date to somewhere cool; since I was living so close. Like, I've taken Gideon panning for gold, Abby on a trailed horse ride, Afton to Putz and Glow etc. but since I'm so far away, my options were limited this weekend; especially given that everything in Newcastle seems to be closing down. But we made due and headed to the HI-16 for ice cream and Italian sodas. She drank my Italian soda and ate all her ice cream, then she decided to cap off the night, she wanted a special fun drink from Mini Mart (or Loaf and Jug. whatever it's called now) So, I got her a HELLO KITTY fun container that was way overpriced and she was happy to get her special time with Auntie. My sister wasn't too happy the next day when she told me Afton peed the bed and attributed it to me letting her drink Italian sodas, and hello kitty drinks right before bed :) OOPS! That's what Auntie's do though.


As for Gideon, poor guy was so sick. I barely saw him and when I did he was like a ZOMBIE walking around. He couldn't even get to the table to eat with the fam. Poor guy. But, he was feeling better by the time I left.

Poor boy fast asleep.

As for Abby, she opted to stay at her cousin Meghan's house; which I had to take her to her house to get clothes and got voted to drop her off too. How do I get voted to do these things!?! So I didn't get to see her much, but when I did, she was all snuggled up with me.

And Sophie, well she stoled my bed so I had to sleep with her. I slept actually extremely well, but the absolute best part was the mornings. See, Sophie is extremely independent and rarely likes to be held, snuggled, or is not a touchy feely girl but on the run constantly. However, when she woke up, I remember stirring with her as well. She looked over to me and just cradled herself into my arms for almost a full hour before she wanted to get up. I just absorbed it as much as possible. We were even holding hands. I would look at her and she'd close her eyes real quick as if she was really asleep. Too cute. The best part was she actually is at the age where she knows Auntie and knew that Auntie would be sleeping with her that night and told Christopher she was waiting for me to come in. By the time I got in she was asleep but she promptly nestled right into my arms as soon as she woke up. What a special bonding moment. With every niece and nephew I can remember the first official time we actually had a sentimental bonding moment and this was it for us. My heart was so happy. And she did the exact same thing the next day.

Sophie and I waking up together :)

As for Dubs, We had a bonding moment in Laramie but not to the extent that I'm still waiting for. I mean, he's only 4 months. Dessa and my dad went on a "date" to the Newcastle movie theatre which I was originally invited to and then Dessa uninvited me so Chris and I were sent to baby duty. Dubs was crying downstairs and Sophie was yelling in the back bedroom. We were not very successful. But, I went down and gave Warren his binki and quieted him down. Chris says that I passed the test and can officially come as their nanny to California. But then, I went to Sophie's room and was singing her songs until Afton came in and disturbed the whole process; now Sophie standing on the bed wanting to play with her cousin so when I took her out to the living room because there was just no turning back at that point, Chris said I failed. Good thing I'm family. But come one! What else was I supposed to do. Options were limited at that point.

Missing Kaori and Icariah. You both hold such a special place as well in my heart. You all truly are my heart.

Jason after eye surgery. His eyes were open until the flash from the camera.

Finally my Family!

This last weekend, Grace and my babies came. I was very excited.

Grace and I absorbing the sun. For once, we weren't cold!

Second hand shopping and found the PERFECT 1940's hat. Way to expensive though. Besides, where would I ever actually wear it. I have so many cute hats and never wear any of them.

We had a great time. I so did not want to see them go. She's my bestfriend and I love her kids like I can't imagine loving anything more (besides my other nieces and nephews). We went to Billings shopping for Costa Rica, went out to eat, went to church TWICE, and layed around doing a lot of nothing. My favorite part, though, was sitting outside in the warm weather with Grace. That is until.... Gideon thought it would be funny to THROW a spider onto me that went scurrying up my leg. I yelled so loud but before I was even done yelling, he had already found another one and was about to chase me around with it when Grace finally intervened (after she composed herself from laughing so much) and told him to quit. I was screaming for her to tell him to stop, but she couldn't compose herself long enough to get it out. Finally though, she got him to stop pestering Auntie. Besides that part, sitting outside with my sister, looking at the mountains and actually feeling heat from the sun while watching the kids play was great.

My heart


Abby with her cool new hat she got in Billings. She's decided she needs to find her own fashion sense and I must say... I'm diggin' it!


Gideon and Afton playing in the mall play area being little monkeys! CUTE MONKEYS.
They did such a good job while we shopped til we dropped. Literally, Afton begged for me to carry her during our last lap, got her in the car, and before we even got out of Billings, She was OUT like a light.


My little sidekick Afton. Never leaves my side! From the first day she got here she was already telling her mommy she didn't want to leave. They said this place is better than Custer. MUCH


Thank goodness she wasn't standing on the corner of a busy street like this. People would have thought she was an orphan dropped off on the side of the road like a cat someone didn't want!

Loving the Lovies

Just some more pics of my babies while I was in Laramie

Loving Laramie

UW PRIDE!
This weekend, I came to Laramie since Dessa and Christopher are here for the semester teaching at the Law School. So much closer than Jackson Hole. What a memory lane it has been. First night we went to Altitudes to eat. Wonderful food and even better company. Sophia latched on to me right away. Wanted auntie to carry her etc. etc. Nothing warms my heart like that. Then yesterday, we took Sophia out to the rec center for some swimming. Warren's first time in the pool as well. He seemed to like it but his hands turned blue pretty quickly :) He was a little chilly, so Dessa stayed out of the water with him while I played with Sophia. She did such a good job sharing with all the kids that wanted to play with her toys. After that, Dessa and I just had to go to the University Union cause I had to hit up the book store for some new UW attire. If there's one thing I'm proud of in my life, it's that I obtain a BA from the University of Wyoming. I did it on my own. I may not have kids, a husband, and all these other things that most people have, but I have an amazing career, in a management position at the age of 28, and I would have never been able to do that would it not have been for going to college. So crazy walking into the Union. Thought about it and I don't think I've been to Laramie since 2008. That's way too long. And I spent way too much money at the book store on shirts and sweats; all things I didn't need :)

Dessa really wanted to go downtown to look in all the new little shops and boy is there a ton! We went in to three before she was pooped and ready to retreat back to home. I bought Sophia a little present down there because.... she asked when I got here on Friday, "Auntie, you bring me a present!?!" I just had to go and get her one. They wrapped it all super cute. She loved it. That evening Dessa and I got ready and headed for Love Joys for some sisterly bonding. I haven't been there for years. In fact, I forgot it existed. When I told Dessa I was coming, she asked where I wanted to eat our first night and I had a hard time deciding because I couldn't really remember all the places. Drove by love joys the day before on our way to altitudes and told her we would be off for some bonding the next night to Love Joys. Love that place. Atmosphere is great. The guy that seated us, was the same guy that used to seat me and my friends all the time when I loved here. Guess, he's content with his job! Dessa and I had a great time. Lots of good talk. I love my sisters so much; and she needs to get out now that she has two kids and spends 90% of her time playing mommy.


So, today, I took Sophia onto campus. A little walk we took while the sun was still out. Campus looks the same. New entrance to COE library, but everything else is just as I had remembered it. Except, the jealously of all the students walking back and forth with their backpacks on crept up inside of me! It makes me think... I may just want to pursue a Masters here soon. After telling my wonderful bother in law that last night, he said, I best get on it! No reason not to. He's the one that got me to get my undergrads. So.... it's safe to say that I will be looking into Master's programs here shortly. The tough part is, I will have to do it all online because I'm locked in with a career already. Which, is ok. I just miss the campus college feel. Sitting in the room, while the prof. lectures thinking about what you're gonna do that night; oh so badly not wanting to prepare for the test. Definitely don't miss paper deadlines and the like, but want to further my education. Plus, if I want to move up in my career from the point I'm at now, a MA is going to be required. Better get it done while I'm young.

This is little Warren
Then, I went and drove around by myself for a while today. What a TRIP! I drove by Basic Beginnings; spent 5 years working there. Every afternoon, to Basic Beginnings I went and I LOVED IT! All the those little munchkins :) I saw one family while we were eating at Altitudes the other night and the parents remembered me. They said, "Miss Tara!" Only the oldest boy Jordan seemed like he had a spark for recognition in his eyes. Been years though. I went by my old apartment as well. They took the balcony off! BUMS! But, still looks the same. I drove by all my old haunts and had warm fuzzy feelings going by all of them. But, you what was the most profound? I still remember like every bump in the road, every feeling of the slight turns in the road were so familiar, the pot hole at the 4way stop sign on Grey's Gabble... It just didn't stop. Reynold's street, Hancock street, Crow Drive, Harney. It was wonderful. The memories of warm winter evenings with a slight breeze give me a great sensation of the past that I hold no regrets in.

All the afternoons I spents here. Basic Beginnings Day Care
So... As I blog, Dessa is at the store shopping for the week, Christopher is out working, Michael is gone with his girlfriend, and I sit here with two baby monitors as their supposed to both be taking their afternoon naps; however, on one, I'm listening to Sophie telling stories (with, I'm sure, her stuffed animals) about how one needs their diaper changed, and on the other baby monitor, I hear Warren's swing swaying back and forth, back and forth.


My old studio apartment! Absolutely loved it :)