Life As I Know It

Hmmmm.... I don't think I'm used to the time change again yet or maybe my body is just screwed up because of all the changes lately, but I can't sleep!!! It's frustrating because all I really want to do is fall into a deep sleep. Maybe it's because I've been sleeping until the afternoon lately. When I'm feeling down, and yes, I'm definitely feeling down, I tend to sleep for hours. My father came into my room a few days ago and asked that I please get out of bed. He made me set plans up for the weekend and even took me out of the house that evening. It's really embarrassing for me to walk around town here, go to the kids soccer practices, or even to the grocery store. I feel silly for being back here. This is no one's fault but my own as not a single person has made me feel like a failure.

I am really trying to push myself. When I was in high school I fell into a really bad depression after a horrible breakup. I would sleep for up to 16 hours a day. Of course my parents wouldn't let me so I would get myself up long enough to act like I was going to school and then go over to a friend's house where I would just lay and sleep all day until school was over, then return home where I would retreat back to my bedroom. It's nice to see that I've grown since then. I haven't been letting myself just lay in bed but have been trying to push myself. I went and bought paint today and surprised my mother by painting her bathroom; although she wasn't thrilled with the color. Oh well. She won't ever tell me that but I could tell from her reaction.

I switched my blog up a little. I really didn't think I wanted to continue to blog since the purpose of it has been destroyed, but I don't have anything else to do so I figured, "what the heck." Not sure that anyone actually reads it, but it's kinda therapeutic. And... I type over a hundred words a minute. It was like the only thing I was good at in school so blogging for me is super easy as I just type whatever happens to pop into my mind. But, nothin's popping anymore so one more shot at sleeping.

Oh yeah, I will post pictures of Indonesia soon, but I just can't get myself to do it yet. Not that there's anything wrong with them... but for some reason, I don't feel ready. Soon though. Soon.